2011/ Codependent No More

 

I'll be honest. I was going to make one of those lists. Those accomplishments for the year. How I've been published, taught a a class, curated outrageous art events, been a featured performer, a grantee (twice), a panelist, a singer on stage (and in a studio), and approached to do a photo series for a fancy company.

I was going to write about all the conferences I attended, the important moments, my first creative consulting clients,  the interfaith work, Occupy wall street sleepovers, collaborations, my first artist residency, my first films.

But here's the thing- 100% the biggest game changer for me was in September/Late August when I finally realized I was codependent. Not only me, but my mom, my grandmother, and many of my friends. This one truth has been hardest to grapple with and effects everything from my relationships with friends, to family, to lovers.

Going into 2012 it's all about ME. Taking personal responsibility, and finally asking the question

"What do I want?"

- not what do I think YOU want & not what SHOULD I want.

It's absolutely the most difficult thing. Codependency includes control issues, guilt issues, self-esteem issues, and it means changing every thought process. This shift means taking it easier on myself yet expecting more. It means asserting boundaries and sticking to them. It means respecting others inclinations. It means admitting that I am deserving.


So cheers. Cheers to healthier relationship patterns, to self-care, to asking for what I want, to following my bliss, and allowing you to follow yours.

 
By Lenora Jayne

"I wake alone- pretend that I am finally home."

Good morning.
I'm up and it's just barely light out, the sky is yawning, the most ambitious birds sneaking in their first chirps. It doesn't feel real- this navy sky moment before the world breaks out into vivid song.

But here I am. I fly to las vegas today. I am going to a marketing meeting today. I am renting photo equipment today. I am taking a shower today. I am sending a lover something sweet in the mail today. I am going to smile today. I will look nicer than usual today. I will spend time with my dad today.

The title of this post is from one of my favorite old Cursive songs. The Recluse.
It's pretty heart-wrenching. More than I feel at the moment, but here's the thing- I've been traveling since June and it's hard to remember the definition of home. Is it where you sleep at night? Where your family is? Where you're paying rent? Where you reside? Where your things are? Where people know you? Where you helped paint the walls? A place where you feel safe?

Sometimes I think home is in the arms of another, but see- then a breakup renders you homeless.

I have paid mortgages and taken out loans for a home built of love. So many times over. Still I only have this plot of land inside my chest.

 I am going to build a garden where my heart should be.

"All the words you say at the end of the day"

Dark Dark Dark- Say the word

I can never forget the ceviche.

Every time I juice a lime, there's you in my kitchen that day.

Table set, meal prepared, tequila cocktail at the ready-

all that love squeezed into all that raw pink.

Me, work-weary & you, like silver, just polished.

Serving shine. I smiled so wide

a circus set up shop on my chin 

and used my lips for trapeze.

A hologram of the nothing that once was something.

Fresh citrus sting from fingertip to heart-folder: open memory. 

I am switching to the bottled kind to practice kitchen safety.

I do not wish to squeeze.

Dark Dark Dark- Bright Bright Bright

State of Dreams: North Carolina

Hello world.

I have arrived Elsewhere after being all over this pretty north carolina. 

I'll be spending the next month making art, pushing boundaries, exploring, learning, dreaming, coming true.

I'm heading in. Cover for me. 

I Need You! Kickstarter launched for "Let Bloom" EP

Taken from my website:

Natti Vogel, my college friend & fantastic composer, and I launched a kickstarter site today to make an exquisite EP.

The songs are fun to listen to but lyrically & technically heavy. It will feature art by the dreamy illustrator Molly Crabapple (who has worked with Neil Gaiman & the Dresden Dolls) & a re-mix by notorious dance/balkan/gypsy DJ Joro Boro (who has spun with Bassnectar & Balkan Beat Box). Our goal is to get $3,000 in 33 days.

Natti & I first started working together 5 years ago, and we are finally asking for your support. Anything would be lovely, really, even a dollar.

There’s tons of fun perks- including a poem or a song written just for you! We already have 11 (oh look! Now it's 14!) backers, and we are super jazzed to have such sweet community.

If you wanted a fancy & important way to get involved with emerging artists, please check out our kickstarter now!

A WEBSITE! REALLY!

NAJVASOL.WORDPRESS.COM

Najva Sol, Queer Iranian Artist

Booyah, first page of google search.

People keep telling me they haven't met a queer persian before. I know there's a few of us out there...

My artist talk last night was nuts. I appreciated the questions, don't get me wrong, but I feel so inadequate, so under-informed to be the one telling a room full of people about the feminist context of the Qu'ran as a text or hijab in Turkey vs. Iran vs. Egypt etc etc.

Feels nice though, every time my worlds intersect.

Last Minute Show Announcement:

Photo by Najva Sol

'UNVEILED - Women & Power In The Middle East'

'UNVEILED Women & Power In The Middle East'
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA – November 5 , 2010 – Femina Potens presents 'UNVEILED Women & Power In The Middle East' visual art exhibit exploring the themes of identity, politics, violence, sexuality and feminism within eastern culture. Treasure and support three unbelievably talented artists who all have roots in the middle east and currently live in the west, as they powerfully address the intersection of power, politics and personal history through their unconditional respect and regard for feminist artwork within a complicated culture. Artists Cassell, Roxy Farhat, and Najva Sol address these prevalent and omnipotent issues through their work. Join us to pay tribute to the 'UNVEILED Women & Power In The Middle East' visual art exhibit Opening Reception and Artist Talk on November 5, 2010 at 7pm – 10pm. Enjoy delicious refreshments in the midst of acknowledging captivating and compelling stories from the artists themselves. Show runs November 5 through November 28, 2010.

Visual Art Exhibit + Events

November 5-28, 2010

Opening Reception Saturday, November 5th, 7-10pm

Femina Potens Art Gallery

2199 Market St @ Sanchez

San Francisco, CA 94110

Hours: Thurs-Sun, Noon-6:00pm

www.feminapotens.org

Support cutting edge artwork - Become a member today!

All workshops are free to FP Members!

Find us on Facebook and Twitter !

Lowbrow Art.

More specifically, my lowbrow art. From the lowbrow show.

Here's a piece called "Photos I took and wish I had taken"



I paper-clipped my Polaroids to a window screen, and carey drew scenes I described to her on ones that had accidentally gone off in my bag.








This piece is called "Vanity"



PS. Us Lowbrow denizens have some rather fancy plans up our sleeves. Stay tuned.