Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
More than anywhere else in the world you are highly aware of your paralell universes,
your other possibilities of how to spend each moment. Relaxing is not calm but more a denial of options, a choice to not do anything beyond breathing and unwinding.
and going out at night? It's a garden of forking paths. each time you choose, you know of 7 other paths you could be walking down.
Showing up to see a band play, the same band that did this music video sent to you one year ago by one of your favorite boys:
Your friend is throwing the party.
You waltz in, know people, dance to techno reggaton mixes- then decide to leave where the world takes you. Escorted in a car, free, to a party in brooklyn at studio B with a notorious house DJ (Mark Farina) and your own goddamn bottle of vodka. for what? for saying yes to the ways of the world.
You learn that as long as you are doing amazing things, you are never wondering about the other possibilities you could have lived. You are satisfied and busy.
And then sometimes crazy nights lead you to crazy instances where you meet the Drum and Bass MC you thought was cute on the boat with Dara and christian Bruna over a year ago, the b-boy with the backpack. He says something heartbreaking about your cornea and asks you on a date to a museum while talking about freestyling to dubstep.
there is that triple threat: intelligent, attractive, ability to dance. and more, you've met him before while he was onstage at a weekly Drum and Bass party in your old haunt, the east village.
years ago you had turned to your boyfriend and said "that boy is cute" to which he responded with his ever jealous sneer.
now it is now and you lean in to kiss him and he says DAMN
it's been 10 years since a girl's taken the initiative.
Friday, October 24, 2008
When she gets to my friends and I she shoots up dirty looks and demands for up to let her through as her drink is in danger of spilling.
"I'm trying to walk here!" screams naomi.
"THERE'S A REASON IT'S CALLED A DANCE FLOOR" I shout back.
Fiesty, I'm always ready to throw a punch at girls like her. They are my pet peeve. Granted- I was at a fancypants club that really didn't want to let me in (they had to, I was on the list) but drinks on the dance floor and psuedo shufflers who throw dirty looks at the ones who are really getting down- UGH.
Moby did spin a fantastic set. And with 3 pretty girls and some pizza to go we jet-setted to the party where crystal castles was DJing. We may have taught a few hipsters something about raving. completely sober too. Yup.
Can I please mention how much I love new music (esp brazillian)? Listen to this episode of One Bad Apple, a podcast my friend ruby hosts.
There's a halloween shitshow going down, and I am part of it. I'm the head of the glitterati and candy army, which is exactly the type of contribution I should be making. Lets just put it this way: STREET PARTY to SUBWAY PARTY to LOFT PARTY to SECRET AFTERPARTY. you're jealous. come to new york, and you won't be.
The next night I'm go-go/lapdancing here:
and doing burlesque that sunday at sexybitch, flyer to come.
Planning last night. Biked to my friends bushwick loft eating sushi and fresh corn, drinking wine, discussing how to make halloween magical with a crew of nightlife magicians.
After a stop by a neighborhood bar, took (finally) took home a girl I've been flirting with here and there. Over the past few days we have done the following:
walked the williamsburg bridge
pretended it's my birthday at a deli for free chocolate
gotten in a water fight
gave a guy a kiss on the cheek and subsequently got 3 month passes to the guggenheim
found fun records on the street for her collection
drank too many beers
tied each other up
giggled for 20 minutes in the middle of sex
dubbed my room the batcave
As with everything else, I have no expectations. but she can mimic the lesbian dance perfectly, has nice legs, loves fags, and seems sincere.
I really think too much of my life is pre-occupied with other people. but at least I cleaned my room today! and (less sarcastically) I got a callback for a scholarship I applied for!
That's all folks.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
That sentence almost makes sense.
I'm seeing a ladyboy who called herself partially strong girl, partially shy 15 yr old boy. Which is funny, as those could be considered my two types. she makes espresso and thinks her cats are puppies and likes her earlobes and leather and bleeds too much and sometimes sends really sweet text messages that make me smile more than I'd like to admit.
"she's very poly [amorous]."
that's the word on the street about me. I mean, I never stopped to think about it. But hey, if it's obvious to a stranger then I suppose I am. Though I'm not sure what my limits are. I suppose I'll find out when I hit them.
Isn't that the way to go? Blindly into living? Jumping headfirst, arms outstretched?
I'm curating an art show not knowing how to curate an art show.
But it's going well.
This piece will be in it, I think:
and here is why when I go online some days, I just can't stop giggling:
Lets be friends.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Gave out cum shots at the party (which are suprisingly potent) out of my faux penis, did some shadow dancing, mostly loved how fucking beautiful my friends are.
Here are some of my favorite shots of the night.
More to come, super soon.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
And sometimes at 4 am on a saturday morning when i decide to forego dancing all night because I'm cold and tired and leaving the house sounds unappealing I decide to watch shitty TV and there's that scene where 2 people kiss in the rain where it's so intense the camera circles around them and everything becomes a blur and water is in their face and probably up thier nose and maybe they are shivering a little too but they are full body kissing hands under shirts and in hair-
times like these I miss you. I see us in my head and my life is better than this stupid show. that week with the rainstorms so epic it took me two hours to drive 15 minutes and I watched you raft down what used to be a creek and I ran after you to save you because I thought you died when you didn't show up on the other side of those trees and I knew then I loved you because I would have jumped into that muddy water for you without thinking twice.
and I've never felt more alive than when I thought I was dying I mean really I guess that's fucked up to say but that fight we had where I cried so hard I puked a little? that was living and feeling with every pore of my body but I don't do that anymore because I know better. I practice safe sex not the kind I learned about in school no im not talking about condoms and spermicide I mean before I take my clothes off I hide my heart in something hard and cool and I know the rules about never cuddling too much never getting comfortable never letting yourself wake up in a pool of someone else's sweat
because if you don't get close you won't get stuck or at least it will take longer and everyone's down to play the distance game. I live in new york city, we are the masters of the casual encounter even if we are dating for 7 months I will never know if my body fits yours but I knew with him the first time we spent the night together and I knew so much I couldn't speak for 2 hours after and he was the only thing that existed in the rain and later the only thing by the fireplace and the only shoulder as safe as my parents
but shoulders are lies and rain is a lie and hey maybe the kiss is a lie and in search of honesty I've just preffered to keep my reality sterile. you keep your shoulders and spooning and romantic moments. romance is just a word I tattoo behind my ear so it's a part of me even when it isn't I hid it somewhere I can't see for a reason
I miss real things but I've grown complacent with complacent and that's sad for someone like me always chasing the ski jumps and 6 am dancing sad because I didn't go out and I sat at home and shivered and accidentally ended up missing you when what I really miss is nothing because I feel nothing and what we had was nothing or you made it nothing by never speaking to me again and sleeping with other people and I don't miss you I guess just the moment when someone touches you and everything else melts away and it's ok to let go and say fuck it and take the goddamn condom off your emotions and let your heart get rubbed so raw it's sore in the morning and you have trouble closing it for a few days after the fact.
Friday, October 17, 2008
I gave up on a real job.
I'm just teaching tae kwon do and nude modeling and dancing.
that is SUCH a najva answer.
Nice. like, if i said do you like the color blue? You'd be like well i guess, once i go go danced 'underwater' in a tub of blue jello on acid, it was fun.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Teaching Tae Kwon Do to little kids is more satisfying than reading a book, sometimes.
I like people who remind me of me, and that's vain. and I don't mind.
digging my heel into your chest makes me hot.
I am always afraid of liking you too much. the you in this equation changes often.
The shocker isn't shocking, it's pleasant.
I have no idea how to set up a gallery show, but I'm doing my tip-top best.
My parents think I don't love them enough because I don't call back. I just keep shitty hours. But I feel bad for calling so few and far between.
I think my brother is the better child.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I am sorry. Because my life has been blogworthy and yet, I've neglected to write anything.
I am eating candy floss and chocolate dipped chile rubbed mango, sending out emails to artists for an art show I'm curating NOV 6th. I bartended tonight and came up with a drink called a white gummybear. Gin/vanilla stoli/peach schnapps/sprite/ginger ale.
I've been reading nice books and eating vegan curry and sweet potato chili while writing application essays in my friends studio. I did my first burlesque show, to "toucha toucha touch me" from the rocky horror picture show. I broke it off with a girl I was seeing. I remembered to stay all grown up when I just want to be young and immature.
Freelancing means eternal job searching. It's brilliant and exhausting.
My birthday went smoothly except for an incident with a girl on mushrooms with inappropriate ideas who wanted the one thing we couldn't do: to be casual.
Friday was a riot, as was saturday. and sunday.
Tonight I went to a poetry reading that is inspiring a whole why I hate poetry rant. Watch out.
I have to be a fancy model in 3 hours. I need rest. I love you, recorded world.
I promise not to neglect you again.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
2. My friend dennis, who is now biking along the south coast of spain, advised me to take a mediation retreat. I signed up for one in january, and if all goes well- I will spend ten days not speaking, writing, dancing, or eating meat. sounds terrifying, which is why I have to do it.
3. my little brother had sex for the first time. he's 16 and for the past few months he's been asking my friends (and me) for advice (a sense of humor was the most popular response). anywhoo, it seemed he was a little quick on the draw but with trusty advice from sex-positive big sis (the only person he asked, aww) he figured out the jumpstart and stayed in the game for the long run and the (mutually) satisfying blastoff.
3. I cooked my first persian dish today. One of my favorites- apple and plum stew over rice. Grandma helped. It was totally delicious. we had a birthday dinner complete with cash money birthday presents, sweet white wine, vintage dress, and questions about how long till I get married.