Saturday, July 26, 2008
Danger. Keep hands and feet in new york at all times.
Funny, to be sitting back in my old home, on a mac. Funny, to not live here anymore. This is not where I belong.
I got into town and went straight to a marvelous house in brooklyn. A whole house. It doesn't feel like you are in new york: three lovely people and it is always hotboxed.
I've been learning how to patch bike tires and reading david sedaris. Kissing and cuddling. Eating vegan chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and crashing union square drug deals. having conversations with a pretty girl over an avocado and trying my best to hold on to the peace I brought with me through passport control.
I spent the day in coney island, eating mangos and tacos, drinking coronas and pina coladas. Smoking joints. not kissing on the beach. being scandalous in the wonder wheel, in the photobooth. sizzling in the heat. trying not to think about how dirty the water is.
Today I left the williamsburg house after an admission:
I am falling for a girl.
And I am homeless again because I am scared to be attached to anything. or maybe because homes dont want to be attached to me.
Still, it took europe for me to admit things so bravely. To tell the truths I'd rather swallow. It's not about getting what you want, it's about knowing you tried. That's what will let me sleep at night.
I'm in limbo.
But tonight, I am going to revel in being alone. I want to dance till my friction throws sparks and sweat until the tears I'm not crying have no choice but to exit through my pores.
I know nothing, of that I'm sure.