In Memory

_MAR1205
Originally uploaded by missmaro72

Of purple hair. Or a full head of hair, for that matter.
Of the times where I danced naked every weekend. Shaved my legs.
Of mommy and daddy paying rent.
Of un-swollen cheeks, and casual sexual partners I don't remember the names of.

This picture is to remind me that I'm hot. Because at the moment...

I had a bad reaction to the IV, and spent all yesterday crying and puking blood. Not a good look. Right now I have chipmunks cheeks and too much vicodin in my system.

I have been eating soup and mashed potatoes. crying on and off. talking on the phone when I shouldn't. Reading paul cohelo books and cuddling with mommy.

Two nights ago I had all my friends around me. We smoked pot and had a potluck and shared storytime. I told them my 4 new understandings about life.

1. everyone is selfish/ out to make themselves happy.
2. there is nothing wrong with this.
3. sometimes what makes someone else happy, is not what makes you happy.you can't hold that against them.
4. with all that in mind, don't take the world so personally. very little actually has to do with you.

minor sidenote: you are only free to make yourself happy insofar that it does not get in the way of anyone else's ability to be independently happy.

(end rant)

OTHER minor sidenote.


doesn't it look like alex? I tagged him on facebook but he detagged it. It's a shame, I think, to be unable to speak to an ex. Someone who spent so long in bed with me. who picked me up when I fainted in school. who heard the worst fights between me and my parents. who helped me through school. who taught me how to love, really.

Although i recently learned how many lies were involved. how every day he lied to my face and therefore never trusted me.

Still, all is forgiven. It's just tragic. I'd like to get coffee with my past and hash things out.

meanwhile,
I want my future honest to the apple core.
is that too much to ask?