Saturday, August 2, 2008

In Memory


_MAR1205
Originally uploaded by missmaro72
Of purple hair. Or a full head of hair, for that matter.
Of the times where I danced naked every weekend. Shaved my legs.
Of mommy and daddy paying rent.
Of un-swollen cheeks, and casual sexual partners I don't remember the names of.

This picture is to remind me that I'm hot. Because at the moment...

I had a bad reaction to the IV, and spent all yesterday crying and puking blood. Not a good look. Right now I have chipmunks cheeks and too much vicodin in my system.

I have been eating soup and mashed potatoes. crying on and off. talking on the phone when I shouldn't. Reading paul cohelo books and cuddling with mommy.

Two nights ago I had all my friends around me. We smoked pot and had a potluck and shared storytime. I told them my 4 new understandings about life.

1. everyone is selfish/ out to make themselves happy.
2. there is nothing wrong with this.
3. sometimes what makes someone else happy, is not what makes you happy.you can't hold that against them.
4. with all that in mind, don't take the world so personally. very little actually has to do with you.

minor sidenote: you are only free to make yourself happy insofar that it does not get in the way of anyone else's ability to be independently happy.

(end rant)

OTHER minor sidenote.
IMG_4831

doesn't it look like alex? I tagged him on facebook but he detagged it. It's a shame, I think, to be unable to speak to an ex. Someone who spent so long in bed with me. who picked me up when I fainted in school. who heard the worst fights between me and my parents. who helped me through school. who taught me how to love, really.

Although i recently learned how many lies were involved. how every day he lied to my face and therefore never trusted me.

Still, all is forgiven. It's just tragic. I'd like to get coffee with my past and hash things out.

meanwhile,
I want my future honest to the apple core.
is that too much to ask?

6 comments:

Irina Sarnetskaya said...

You write in that beautiful way I relate to. You write in that beautiful way I want to re-read.

Utils said...

"minor sidenote: you are only free to make yourself happy insofar that it does not get in the way of anyone else's ability to be independently happy."



This is reasonable. Listen, chipmunk cheeks aren't all bad: you can hold your breath for longer periods now!

Najy said...

Thanks Irina + Utils.

I can't hold anything in m mouth though!

Just mashed potatoes and soup. No air. No kisses.

None of the good stuff.

Irina Sarnetskaya said...

When shall we spend time together?

Would you like to go to a Jungle DNB party next Tuesday?...or shall we divulge in some calm cafe conversation about the English language? A museum? Thursday even gallery opening hopping?

Call me, call me, call me!

Stephanie Hope said...

in response to your four revelations, read these two excellent articles:

http://realitysandwich.com/the_miracle_selfcreation

http://realitysandwich.com/the_miracle_selfcreation_part_2

ashleyandchris said...

The ending... about like wanting to get coffee with your past... I really feel that way too. I'm constantly hurt/amazed about how many other people don't feel that way.
By the way, I added you to my blogroll! Yay!